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the ghost of a good thing

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(sunday) [08 Feb 2004|08:19pm]
today has been good :) wow i haven't been updating this journal very much... why? cause i got a new one! for those of you who don't know...my new one is loserkidamy and you guys should add it!!. i miss some of you *tear*
8 brands and scars a mark and a mission

(tuesday) [03 Feb 2004|07:08pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

i didn't forget this journal ;) it just i've been using my other one...loserkidamy. yeah. you guys should add it!!!

1 brands and scars a mark and a mission

[30 Jan 2004|07:39pm]
i just got a new journal


add it if you want.
6 brands and scars a mark and a mission

"here comes the pain..." [30 Jan 2004|05:49pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

so here i am, sitting at home alone on friday night for the first time in forever. it kinda sucks, but it might be nice for a change. *shrug* i'm listening to slipknot. i haven't listened to them in a while and i was starting to miss them.

since i got home i've been talking to pj, vinnie, phillip, nicole, gary, and rachel on and off. now it's down to just brandon. he's pretty cool to talk to about stuff :)

today was alright. we had a party in second period and it was awesome. lots of good food :P~ *drools* in third period i talked to kevin and rachel as always...kalah found year-old gum in her book bag. it was so gross, but it was hilarious. jose took it and shoved it in his mouth. funny stuff ;)

fourth period was boring. just like it is every day. blah. brandon just got offline :( sucks for me, now i'm down to no one.

i wish i was going to the movies tonight, but then again i don't. i would probably end up sad, and right now i'm in an okay mood. so yeah, maybe this is for the best. i think me and amanda get to hang out tomorrow!! *bounce* that's awesome and it rocks my socks. we haven't gotten to hang out in like two weeks. that's way too long.

never thought i would say this... but i miss my brother.

survey 'cause i'm boredCollapse )

3 brands and scars a mark and a mission

just for laughs. [30 Jan 2004|04:56pm]
[ mood | silly ]

gary: jew
me: who?
gary: jew u
gary: in your shoe
gary: woo doo
me: poo
gary: for u
me: wee dee doo
gary: i see u
me: i like glue
gary: in my poo
me: in my shoe
gary: and its goo
me: and its blue
gary: like u
me: like poo
gary: and ghosts say boo
me: and cows say moo
gary: and poo on your shoe
me: with a kangaroo
gary: with a belly full of goo
me: and a brand new shoe.
gary: on the foot of a jew
me: that got kicked by the kangaroo
gary: carrying the jew
me: and the cow that goes moo.
gary: that stepped on your shoe
me: that stepped in dog poo.
gary: and said eww
me: then he went to the zoo
gary: where there was lots of kangaroo poo
me: and moo cow poo
gary: too
gary: so the jew went to the zoo where theres lots of kangaroo poo and cows that moo and he stepped in the poo and it got on his shoe and then he gave it to u?
me: woo dee doo!
gary: that was was a long ass rime from me to u
me: woo hoo
me: (is it over yet?)

2 brands and scars a mark and a mission

(friday) "an0ther bad day...and all i wanna d0 is l0ok at y0u and kn0w i'm 0kay" [30 Jan 2004|07:02am]
[ mood | rushed ]

"this is getting over you...goodbye" - alkaline trio

i hope today is good...it's really rainy outside but i guess that's cool. rain can be fun :)

but anyway, i'm done complaining about boys and phillip and how confused i am. i'm sure you guys are getting tired of reading it, and you've probably started skipping over my entries by now ;)

for the moment i'm pretty sure i have everything figured out, and i'm done with phillip. our conversation last nightCollapse )

in other words "i'll go back out with you when i'm done with lynn". blah.

oh well...time to go to school :/ yay.

5 brands and scars a mark and a mission

[29 Jan 2004|07:10pm]
[ mood | relieved ]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *big sigh of relief* everything is figured out. fuck waiting around for phillip. fuck long-term relationships (for now). and fuck everyone trying to tell me who i should like.

i know who i like. okay, have a "crush" on.

hehe. *runs away*

5 brands and scars a mark and a mission

[29 Jan 2004|04:54pm]
[ mood | worried ]

i hate being left to wonder about things :/

2 brands and scars a mark and a mission

"d0n't tell me that it's 0ver, i'm n0t used t0 this temptation". [29 Jan 2004|06:49am]
[ mood | confused ]

blahhh. i don't feel any better than i did last night. okay, so maybe i do just a little. eric was just online so i talked to him about stuff. he gave me some great advice:

if he's an ass, be an ass back. but...be nice first.

thanks eric, you're too awesome :)

so that's what i'm gonna do today...i'm gonna talk to phillip, and i'm gonna tell him everything. no use in holding back, right? if i fall on my face this time i'll know for sure that it's over for good. the thing is, i have no idea what phillip's gonna say. i mean, i keep thinking about how he was looking at me last night. and how chase says "he still has feelings for me", and "if i talk to him i'll feel better".

maybe he knows something? probably. he said he didn't wanna get in the middle of all this, so i'm guessing there's something that he's not telling me. i don't know. i think i'm stupid :/ scott is so perfect for me, and i still like phillip. do i make sense, or what? but like i said, you can't just make yourself stop liking someone, 'cause it doesn't work.

mkay...i'm done complaining about my shitty problems now. i hope today doesn't suck :/ wish me luck with talking to phillip today guys...

10 brands and scars a mark and a mission

[28 Jan 2004|11:13pm]
tonight i thought about things at church, and i decided that i just need some time to think. phillip was there, and that was like a big wake up call. it just hit me in the face...i still like him. i never gave myself the chance to move on, and in the meantime i managed to hurt scott :/ and it's all my fault. i tried to rush into something else, and it didn't work. i tried to ignore that i still liked phillip, and move on. nice try. it didn't work at all. instead i broke someone's heart that's been hurt so much lately, and i just managed to make myself more confused.

at the end of church tonight i was sitting by myself, just thinking about things...and i was kinda sad. then phillip comes up to me, but i kinda looked down to pretend like i didn't notice him coming. then he asked me why i was sitting by myself, and i was just kinda like "i don't know..." and he's like "are you okay?" and i was like "i don't know". and he asked me what was wrong, and i told him to take a guess...then he was like "me?" and i was like "yeah." and he kinda wandered off after that and started skateboarding again.

but like a minute later i looked over and noticed he had stopped skateboarding and he was staring at me...so i just looked back at him for a few seconds. it was one of those kinda like...fixed gazes. where you just look at each other and wonder what the other person is thinking. i wish i knew what he was thinking when he was looking at me. then i noticed when i was leaving every time i looked back he was looking at me. it got to be too much to handle :( i really like him. i just want things to go back to how they were before.

so yeah, i called scott after church and explained everything to him. he's sad now :( and it's my fault, like i said.

i wish i wouldn't start things that i know i can't finish.
2 brands and scars a mark and a mission

(wednesday) [28 Jan 2004|06:30am]
[ mood | confused ]

okay first things first: if you guys have been to my journal between a few minutes ago and some time yesterday afternoon, and my journal title said some stupid crap like "i'll give you head for $1.99" and "the ghost of a good fuck", my asshole brother did that. i guess my thing didn't sign off when i got off the internet last night so he came and changed it. now i'm gonna have to make sure i sign out every time i get off....how fuckin' lame.

ughh i woke up so confused. i don't know what i want anymore. i kinda do i guess...i just wanna move on. now i'm starting to wonder if i even did. it's not easy to just stop liking someone when you're not expecting anything bad to happen. i do like scott, but i'm just so scared to get involved with someone else. i don't wanna get my heart broken, and i don't wanna break his either. i'm so scared that i'm going to, just because i'm so confused. i don't know why i would still even consider liking phillip...he was such an ass to me. but i guess you can't force yourself to stop liking someone.

i talked to amanda last night and she told me that he said it "kinda bothered him that me and scott are talking, but whatever makes me happy". and he asked scott about us at school. ugh. i have no idea what's going through his head right now. and i don't know why all of that stupid shit had to happen this weekend and screw up what i thought was a good thing.

everything's just happening way too fast, and it's kinda freaking me out. i wish things would slow down...i don't wanna rush into something else :/ it's like for a while i tried to forget all of that stuff that happened with phillip, and i tried to forget how much i liked him and how much fun i had with him...then yesterday it all just hit me. i guess i shouldn't have tried to forget it :/ it didn't work.

but like i said, i do like scott. i think he's awesome. the perfect guy for me...or so it seems. but i just want things to slow down. this is scaring me so bad. i wish i could wake up tomorrow and everything would be like it was last week. i was happy...now i'm just confused and sad. blah.

i'm so glad i get to go to church tonight.

i think of awhile ago
we might have had it all
i was so stupid then
you needed time to grow

but now just as things change
as well my feelings do
in time things rearrange
i am so sick of chasing you

but what do i get 'cause i just seem to lose
you make me regret those times i spent with you
and playing those games as i wait for your call
and now i give up, so goodbye and so long

it's not a change of pace
this time i'll get it right
it's not a change of taste

i was the one there last night

you have your other friends
they were there when you cried
didn't mean to hurt you then
best friends just won't leave your side

but what do i get 'cause i just seem to lose
you make me regret those times i spent with you
and playing those games as i wait for your call
and now i give up, so goodbye and so long

it's not a change of pace
this time i'll get it right
it's not a change of taste

i was the one there last night

when i needed you most
when i needed a friend
you let me down now
like i let you down then

so sorry, it's over

6 brands and scars a mark and a mission

"just forget me...it's that simple". [27 Jan 2004|04:14pm]
[ mood | giggly ]

today was okay but kinda sucky. i went to school, so what would you expect? i know i haven't been commenting a lot, and at the moment my journal looks like complete poo. yeah, i've kinda been neglecting it lately...so much has been going on. sorry guys. *looks down ashamed* i'll try to do better.

i'm about to make it look pritty :) or at least try too. and then i'm gonna go commenting! *bounce*

making skirts in sewing sucks. i already hate it and we've barely done anything. first period is sucking pretty bad, too. we have to do some "group" crap. how lame. i don't wanna do it :/

i fell asleep in fourth period 'cause it's the most boring class ever.

here's a joke:

there were two muffins sitting in the oven. one muffin says to the other "dude, it's hot in here". and the other muffin says "holy crap! a talking muffin!"

*falls over* that's too funny. eva and amanda get credit for that one ;)

10 brands and scars a mark and a mission

(tuesday) "now it's sad 'cause all i missed wasn't that good to begin with" [27 Jan 2004|06:52am]
[ mood | shocked ]

i didn't get the chance to update again or get online yesterday 'cause i was on the phone with scott for a long time. we talked like three hours :) he is seriously one of the coolest people i've ever talked to.

oh and guess what? we have the same birthday :O same year and everything. yeah this is all really crazy...it's kinda weird 'cause now chase and everyone are kinda acting like the whole "me and scott talking" thing is gonna bother phillip. fuck that, he brought all of this on himself. i wanted to go out with him, but apparently he started liking someone else. so why should it bother him? why should he care? i know i don't.

i mean why should i? he did this. i liked him and he just pushed me aside for someone else. out of nowhere. everything was going fine...he sees her on the webcam and it's like "oh i guess i like lynn now, not amy".

so whatever. i'll try to be friends with him, but i swear if he ever comes running back to me i'm gonna shoot him down so fast. i'm done with him :/ for good.

anyway...this song is exactly what i'm going through right now. i might as well make the whole thing bold.

from the way that you acted
to the way that i felt it
it wasn't worth my time
and now it's sad cause all i missed
wasn't that good to begin with
and now i've started you begging
saying things that you don't mean
it isn't worth my time
a line's a dime a million times
and i'm about to see all of them

goodbye to you
you're taking up my time

you call my name when i wake up
to see things go your way
i'm coughing up my time
each drag's a drop of blood a grain
a minute of my life
it's all i've got just to stay down
why the fuck am i still down
i'm hoarding all thats mine
each time i let just one slip by
i'm wasting what is mine

i'm about to see a million things
i thought i'd never see before and i
i'm about to do all the things i've dreamed of and
i don't even miss you at all

that song was written about me...haha. the used rocks my socks.

11 brands and scars a mark and a mission

(monday continued...) [26 Jan 2004|06:54am]
[ mood | indescribable ]

another day of school. woo dee doo. i'm kinda of looking forward to it for some strange reason though *shrug* :/ i guess that's pretty cool.

me and scott agreed to write each other notes at school today and draw stuff all over them for each other. you wouldn't believe how much me and scott have in common. it's scary. we put up with a lot of shit with our parents for one thing, and we're both not having the best luck when it comes to boyfriends/girlfriends too. not to mention we both love video games, converse, kiddie movies, and drawing...and other things :) i think that's awesome. maybe something could come out of this...maybe not. all i know is that i'm not rushing into anything like i did with phillip. big mistake.

"maybe it's for the best...maybe it's not for anything" - new found glory

i can't believe i woke up like that last night...that was weird. i never wake up in the middle of the night. it was probably because i had so much on my mind.

i hope today doesn't suck *crosses fingers*

better of dead.

ash his heart onto the ground
pull his guts out by frustration

be careful you might kill him
just cause he can't hear what you say
doesn't mean that he's not listening
if you listen to your words
he might like what you say
so you've been going out for years
and i'm sure that you've been happy
happy with your role
you've been looking up to him
as if you've forgotten of your own life
forgotten of your own face
burn and start again
just cause he can't hear what you say
doesn't mean that he's not listening
if you listen to your words
he might like what you say
on my own again
that's what she said
i'm leaving you tomorrow
but she already left
she already left me
she said i'm better off dead
it's your own life
live it for yourself
it's your own life

9 brands and scars a mark and a mission

(monday) "i'll never fall in love....again". [26 Jan 2004|03:28am]
[ mood | amused ]

you're not cool unless you're up in the middle of the night :D

actually i just woke up for some reason, and i couldn't get back to sleep. a lot has changed in the past ... day i guess you could say. phillip is an asshole. i guess i really should have gotten to know him before i started liking him "like that".

i don't know...maybe i shouldn't call him an ass hole, but i'm pretty mad at him, so right now the name just fits. but anyway, me and phillip are over. and we're never gonna happen again. long story short, he's decided that he likes someone else. already. i hope she breaks his heart </3>scott is super awesome</b>. he's just like me, and it's seriously creepy. so i guess we'll see what happens with that ;)

why get sad over someone who's such a ... jerk? yeah it kinda sucks, but whatever. i'll live. time to move on now.

good night guys.

5 brands and scars a mark and a mission

[24 Jan 2004|10:23pm]
[ mood | amused ]

me: i wanna cow that can do that.
gary: me too dude
gary: thats why i have one
me: no way
gary: yep
gary: he's in my backyard
me: NO way
gary: uh huh
me: dude im coming to your house then.
gary: sorry we just let my grandpa borrow it
me: but i thought he was in your backyard.
me: and why would your grandpa borrow your cow?
gary: so he can milk it
me: well tell him to fuck off and go to the grocery store to get milk.
gary: :))
gary: he likes fresh milk
me: tell him to get his own cow.
gary: theyre all out of swimming cows
me: :))
me: *pees on self*

i've been listening to old new found glory all day. and weezer. i am too cool.

when chase came over his pants fell down *falls over* and he drooped phillip. good times. they never fail when it comes to making me laugh my ass off.

11 brands and scars a mark and a mission

(saturday) "when the first star you see may not be a star..." [24 Jan 2004|02:52pm]
[ mood | thankful ]

it feels like sunday and it's not. but i guess that's a good thing :)

my dad made me cry earlier :'( he usually does when i try to talk to him about something. luckily right then amanda called, and she saved me. i talked to her about everything for a little while and it made me feel a lot better. thanks amanda!!! <333 i love ya, chick.

after i got off the phone chase, phil, and pj showed up at my house seeing if my mom was gonna let me go to the coast with them :/ of course she didn't let me :( i really wanted to go, too. but chase made me laugh as always...like i said before, that kid cracks me up. he's too awesome.

so i got to see phillip <333 that and talking to amanda has made my day worth-while. i swear i don't know what i would do without my friends.

6 brands and scars a mark and a mission

amy and phillip <333 [23 Jan 2004|10:10pm]
[ mood | excited ]

okay screw the cut, i'm keeping you all!! hehe. you get to put up with me ;) i know i haven't been the biggest comment whore lately, but i've been having a few problems with my lame-ass computer. blah. i'll get to it guys...promise.

tonight was fun :) phillip came over <333 we hung out and just talked and stuff for a few hours. he asked me back out :) i said yeah. you know what's odd? we started going out december 23rd...and now we just started going out again on january 23rd. crazy. today could have been a month for us. but i guess this is starting over?

we played hide-and-seek for like five minutes, then my mom messed it up 'cause she came to look for me, and she completely gave away where i was hiding (i was under the stairs). oh well --- it was fun while it lasted *frown*

i'm sure we'll finish that game one day ;) i probably won't see him tomorrow though 'cause him and the other guys are going bowling, and then after that they're gonna skate and stuff.

i got to see gary, scott, and chase tonight toO! :) i forgot to mention that. omg. chase cracks me up. they all do. it was awesome.

oh well...good night folks.

8 brands and scars a mark and a mission

broken hearts and concrete floors. [23 Jan 2004|07:01am]
[ mood | nervous ]

there's not a whole lot to say...today was pretty good. just your average day :) i'm downloading music right now (lost prophets - last train home). i love this song. i'm still trying to think of some good songs to put on a cd for phillip <3

speaking of phillip...he's coming over to hang out with me tonight :) yay! *bounce* i'm a little bit nervous though, 'cause he said "he has to ask me something". and i have a feeling that i know what it is. wish me luck guys.

naner is so different now...it's almost sad. he's not the little slipknot kid anymore :( i don't know what he is now. okay. i don't really care.

3 brands and scars a mark and a mission

(friday) [23 Jan 2004|07:01am]
[ mood | cold ]


these are the people who have commented to stay on my friends list...so if you want to stay COMMENT, and i'll keep you. pretty simple, eh?

x. _introspection
x. tranquilrain
x. punk_princess05
x. bluesuperdork
x. marejaney
x. __skyofdust
x. littlegcstalker
x. tinkermemandi
x. emolikewoah
x. nicole72005
x. vicioustofu
x. onmygrass57
x. snailsmeowtoo
x. _d0rkiish
x. blink182buddha
x. belch
x. evil_miyu
x. beautyizpain
x. myxkonstantine
x. easybreezygrl83
x. xxsmack
x. crumbucket
x. i_like_feet
x. _dreaminq
x. dudegirl
x. 7wonders
x. white_sox
x. kats

6 brands and scars a mark and a mission

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